i almost bought you a hallmark card the other day, it’s easier that way, you know, it’s easier to use someone else’s lines and smile and say “happy birthday” but i cannot bring myself to act like i am anywhere close to blase, and hey,
i wish i could give you my finest work but it’s all i can do to keep it together to figure this out, it’s all i can do to stay on the ground without flying away, it’s all i can do just to say
what i’m trying
i want you to know that your eyes are the brightest i’ve ever seen, i want you to see what i see, i want to send my fist through walls when i think about you looking in the mirror, hating your reflection and sliding your hands down the sides of your thighs and crying because you take up space,
god damn it,
you deserve to take up more than anyone i’ve known.
i want you to stop trying to dull the glow you’ve had since the day i met you, i want you to stop biting your tongue until it bleeds instead of saying what you think, i want you to stop people pleasing and i want you to shatter the image you’ve worked on for years just like you dream about shattering the mirror, i want you to pick up the shards and carve yourself a whole new point of view
where you finally see
just how lovely
You’re 21, your life has just begun and tonight I hope you wear your favorite dress and when you’re putting on your lipstick and fastening your heels I hope you finally feel as beautiful as you really are, I hope you go to a smoky bar and I hope your drink is on the house and I hope you dance all night with the people who love you, I hope tonight you’re having the time of your life
I don’t care
if you don’t want me there
I just want
you to smile
you deserve to.
Tonight when you blow out the candles, don’t waste your wish, I’m already wishing the world for you."
do you ever get in those moods where you don’t know how to feel and everything kinda feels mixed up and you’re just sitting there alone in your room trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you
I want to hold you in the bathtub and wrap you in lavender and bubbles and every ounce of my love
I want to blast the 1975 with the lights down low and the moon hung high, “i love you, don’t you mind, don’t you mind?”
I want to unwrap the secrets I’ve kept like christmas gifts, I want to lift you higher than you’ve ever been, I want to grab the nearest pen and proclaim my enthrallment all over the walls,
I’ll face the wrath of the landlord
Five drinks in and I’m over my head, searching for pictures of you and coming up short, they say you can’t catch the sun in a snapshot, and girl, is is true, no camera comes close to capturing you
There’s no lens
for your rays.
I am as pathetic as they get, six drinks in and I don’t give a shit, I hear your voice when I close my eyes, I see your face and I’m not surprised, your eyes are the brightest I’ve seen,
and rescuing me.
X drinks in and I can’t see the floor, the walls and the door are a blur but your face is still clear, I wish you were here
not killing myself is a personal achievement but you cant really brag about that at dinner parties
and made pure again."